


I don't want your goodbyes!

by silvermoongirl10



Series: Added moments [3]
Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, Episode: s06e01 It Wasn't Enough, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Severide is so done with Casey's life and death moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:01:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24097735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvermoongirl10/pseuds/silvermoongirl10
Summary: Slight AU of 6x01. Severide's POV.'Severide came to a sudden stop, his eyes wide, as he took in the scene. Casey’s mask was on the victim’s face and Boden was cradling Casey’s head with one hand. Casey’s eyes were closed and his body completely limp. Severide began to shake his head, he didn’t come here to carry a body out, he came to help his brother walk out.'
Relationships: Matthew Casey & Kelly Severide
Series: Added moments [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1742488
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	I don't want your goodbyes!

**Author's Note:**

> It has been a while since my last Casey and Severide fic, and I am so glad to be writing for them again. Their bromance is one of my all-time favourites. I won’t promise that I will be writing lots of fics as life has been crazy, I even went back to do another university degree even if it was for only a year this time. I must admit, it has taken me a while to feel up to writing for Chicago Fire. Mainly because I got fed up watching the show as Dawson got the lime-light. However, I have finally caught up with season 8 (in the UK we’ve got one more episode to go in the season). Season 8 has been great for me getting some ideas for stories so hopefully I will get them written and finished at some point this year. However, before I do, I want to finish my Cruz and Otis multi-chapter story I started at the end of last year. Their bromance was my joint favourite and I am still sad that Otis died as he was one of my favourite characters. 
> 
> My medical knowledge is very limited. So, I googled and used what google gave me, so if it is wrong please forgive me and ignore it.
> 
> For this story, in my own canon Casey and Severide have remained living together ever since Severide moved in during season 3, and Dawson and Casey are not in a relationship. Dawson is only briefly mentioned and does not say anything in this story. I hope you enjoy! (As a side-note, about halfway I jump from calling them Severide and Casey, to Kelly and Matt. This is because I wanted to highlight the different mindset Severide is in, in the first half he is in ‘shift mode’ so its last names and then switches to ‘off duty mode’ so it is first names. I just wanted to explain in case its confusing.)

Severide looked widely around the space he and Kernel were in, looking desperately for a way out. All around the edge of the building he could hear the roaring of the flames. He tried to push away the thought of Casey possibly being trapped. It wasn’t possible. Casey was stubborn and head-strong, he wouldn’t let himself and a victim be trapped. It wouldn’t end like this. It just couldn’t. Just then the voice of said best friend and brother crackled on the radio.

_“Chief, its Casey.”_

Severide paused, waiting with berated breath hoping and praying that Casey had found a way out.

 _“Casey. Tell me you found an exit.”_ Boden’s deep voice came through the radio, a glimmer of hope evident in his voice.

 _“Uh negative Chief. It’s not good in here. Heating up pretty fast. Less than a minute.”_ Casey’s voice stripped all of the air out of Severide’s lungs. This couldn’t be happening; it couldn’t end like this.

Severide gripped his radio, “Don’t you dare give up Casey. There’s an exit, you’re just not looking hard enough!” he snapped.

 _“Kel…I’m sorry but I’m trapped. There is no way out,”_ coughed Casey.

“Matt! Did you take your mask off?” Severide’s eyes flashed with anger. “Put your damn mask back on!”

_“You’re my brother Kelly. I couldn’t have asked for a better brother.”_

“Don’t. Don’t say it,” croaked Severide, he felt his eyes begin to fill. This couldn’t be it; this couldn’t be how he said goodbye to his brother.

But Casey continued as if Severide had not spoken. _“You found me at my lowest at the Academy and you pulled me up. You are my brother Kelly. You need to get out of here.”_

“I don’t want your goodbyes! I’m not leaving you in here! I’ll bust through a wall if I have to!” shouted Kelly, as he went to move towards the stairwell.

Before Casey could respond, Boden’s commanding voice crackled through the static. _“Emergency. Squad 3. Truck 81. Engine 51. If you can hear me, take cover any way you can. We’re about to open up the water cannons.”_ Severide paused, knowing what would happen if the cannons were used, and then he fully understood. There was no other option for Boden to get them out. It was either the cannons or nothing. _“Cover yourselves.”_

Severide spun around and gestured to Kernel. “Kernel this way. Let’s move. Squad’s moving to the East stairwell Chief.” He and Kernel jogged towards the stairs, all Severide could think was that Casey had better find cover, otherwise Severide was going to kill him himself.

 _“Water cannons go up in ten. Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.”_ Boden paused, as Severide and Kernel hunkered down, he sent one final prayer up that Casey had found some cover. _“That’s it. Open up the water cannons.”_

Severide’s world suddenly turned into a steam-filled, hissing and baking environment. He tucked his head down so that his hands could hold his helmet firmly on his head, afraid that the pressure from the cannons could knock it loose and he would have no protection on his head apart from his mask.

Time slowed into an eternity. He peaked through his arms and relaxed at seeing no flames or pressurised water heading for him. However, he stayed where he was, knowing that without Boden’s all clear, they were still working on clearing the fire in the other areas.

Finally _. Finally_ , Boden called out the all clear and that; he, Cruz, Capp and Tony were heading into the building to help find the members of fifty-one who had been trapped.

As Severide and Kernel stood up they heard Boden’s voice once again on the radio. _“Casey. Severide. Kernel. Call out.”_

“Kernel and I are safe Chief. We’re heading out.” Responded Severide as they began heading down the stairs.

As they reached the bottom of the stairs, Boden’s voice came again. _“Do you have eyes on Casey?”_

Severide’s stomach and chest twisted painfully. He looked back and forwards, hoping he could see his friend. “Negative Chief,” his voice cracked. He watched as Kernel started to pick his way forwards, carefully towards the entrance. Severide found he couldn’t move. He didn’t want to go outside and face the reality that he dreaded. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before he also started to move forward. He was brought to an abrupt stop when Boden’s urgent voice crackled through the radio. _“I have Casey and the victim! I need assistance!”_

“I’m on my way Chief!” called Severide into his radio. He turned towards Casey’s last known location and half jogged, half walked towards the room. He turned a corner and found Boden crouched above two figures lying on the floor. Severide came to a sudden stop, his eyes wide, as he took in the scene. Casey’s mask was on the victim’s face and Boden was cradling Casey’s head with one hand. Casey’s eyes were closed and his body completely limp. Severide began to shake his head, he didn’t come here to carry a body out, he came to help his brother walk out. His foot must have scuffed the ground, because Boden’s head snapped up to look at him.

Boden looked at Severide’s panic-stricken face and held out his free hand, “He’s alive Kelly.”

“What?” murmured Kelly, he shook his head. He couldn’t do this again; he couldn’t hold out hope for it to disappear like the smoke and steam twisting and drifting up to vanish.

“Matt’s _alive_ ,” confirmed Boden, his desperate gaze boring into Severide’s own.

With that, Severide hastily stepped around Boden and without calling for back-up, he reached down and heaved Casey over his shoulder and began marching them out of the building. He ignored his body’s shock at Casey’s weight suddenly dropping onto his shoulder. He passed Tony who was going to help Boden and the victim, and with his eyes trained on the entrance, he did his best to ignore the way that Casey’s arms and head just hung limply over his shoulder.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he walked out into daylight. His eyes flickered over the scene looking for paramedics to look at Casey. He saw Brett and Dawson working on Mouch and hoped the older man would be okay as he walked past 61 to the ambulance just pulling up.

The back doors were flung open and the gurney pulled out. Severide gently rested Casey onto the gurney and flinched when he saw that Casey was still unconscious.

“What happened?” Questioned one of the paramedics.

Severide ripped his mask off and replaced his helmet and had to shrug helplessly with wide eyes. “I…I don’t know. There was a metal box next to him, so I guess he took cover in that. Our Chief had to turn on the water cannons to get us out.” The paramedics were nodding and removing the coat of Casey’s bunker gear, while he rambled. “I think he also took off his mask before the cannons were turned on.” His voice turned sharper on the last sentence, still not over, or willing to forgive, Matt for taking his mask off.

He turned feeling a presence next to him, and found Boden standing beside him. Boden squeezed his shoulder and nodded at the ambulance. “Go with them and get yourself checked out.”

Severide nodded, thankful for the excuse Boden was giving him to stay with Matt. He clambered into the ambulance and helped the paramedics to guide the gurney into the back. He started at Casey’s face, pushing back the memories of the last time he was looking at an injured Matt on a gurney, when his head injury was continuingly bleeding and causing Matt to seizure. While he was relieved not to have to hold Matt down while he seized, it also left him on edge seeing his best friend so still. His gaze flickered between Matt’s face and the heart monitor, needing the reassurance that he had not lost another best friend.

Andy.

Shay.

He didn’t want Matt added to the list. It would be the final straw that broke him.

* * *

After the excruciating time it took for himself and Matt to get checked out, Kelly was finally allowed to see his brother. He was sat in the chair beside Matt’s hospital bed. He was being treated for heat stroke. Kelly kept his bunker gear coat on, in an attempt to ward off the chill the two fans pointed towards Matt were giving off. His brother also had an ice pack around his neck and an IV to put needed fluids into his body. Kelly sat silently, his eyes never leaving Matt’s face and one of his hands resting on Matt’s arm, nearly hovering close to his wrist as Kelly fought the urge to check his brother’s pulse.

He was lost in his mind, as it replayed the moments where he lost both Andy and Shay. Matt had been there to drag him back to life after he lost Shay. But Andy. Kelly would always regret his actions and behaviour towards Matt after they had lost Andy. The shame would rise up in him every year on the anniversary. Every night for a week surrounding the anniversary he would be tortured by Matt’s nightmares. Every night without fail, he would go to his brother’s room and stay the night lying beside him, dragging him out of every nightmare. While Kelly had lost Andy, Matt had had to watch as the flames consumed their best friend. Matt was forever haunted by the sight of the seconds it took for him loose Andy. Every nightmare reminded Kelly of how he had left Matt to deal with his raw emotions and nightmares alone. He was reminded of the promise he made to a teenaged Matt at the Academy. That he would always be there, and would always have his back. He almost broke their bond, and in the years since, felt he was playing catchup in trying to mend it. Matt didn’t have many people fighting in his corner and Kelly always made sure to let Matt know, while they may disagree about things on the job, he would always have his back.

Kelly was pulled from his thoughts by a small groan. He blinked and then found himself looking at Matt’s slowly opening eyes. “…Kel?...”

“I’m here,” he quietly replied as he leaned over to press the button to alert the medical staff. “You remember what happened?”

Matt frowned for a moment and then Kelly could see the clarity in Matt’s eyes. “Warehouse…trapped…” coughed Matt.

Kelly nodded and before he could respond the nurses and Matt’s doctor entered the room. Matt was checked over and it was deemed that the fans, IV and ice pack would stay for a least a few more hours, but that he was allowed small sips of water to ease his dry throat.

After Kelly helped Matt drink some water he lent back in his chair, hands gripping the hand rests tightly. Matt stared at the ceiling and opened and closed his mouth a few times, obviously struggling to voice his worries.

“What is it Matt?” Asked Kelly, his voice was a little sharp, as he tried to hold back the anger and hurt rising up again.

Matt turned to look at him with a broken expression, “Mouch? Herrmann?”

Kelly hastily leaned forward and grasped Matt’s hand, putting his hurt and anger to one side. “They’re both fine. Herrmann is on the burns ward getting a burn to his neck treated and Mouch is on the Cardiology ward. He had a heart attack but is going to be perfectly fine in time, thanks to Herrmann.”

Matt sighed in relief; his free hand came up to wipe away the few tears gathered in his eyes. “Thank god,” he murmured. “I’d be lost without them.”

Kelly half smiled as he squeezed Matt’s hand in reassurance. Knowing how much the two older firefighters meant to his brother. In Matt’s own words, they took Engine 128’s ‘Spacey Casey’ Candidate and helped teach him to become Lieutenant Casey of Truck 81. They had moulded Matt into the firefighter he was today.

Just then Kelly turned at the sound of a pair of footsteps. He found Cindy and Trudy poking their heads around the door. Cindy beamed when she spotted Matt awake. “Our husbands are refusing to rest until we told them how Matt was doing.”

Matt rolled his eyes, “You can tell the mother hens that I’m okay. I just have to rest until my heat stroke has been treated.”

Trudy smiled and nodded, “Noted. I’m glad you’re okay Casey. Randy probably would have dragged himself down here to see you otherwise.” She patted Cindy on the arm, “I’m going back up to Randy before he tries coming down here to ask about Casey, thinking that we’ve been too long.”

Cindy nodded, “I’ll catch up with you later Trudy. Christopher is being discharged later today.”

With a nod at Cindy, Kelly and Matt, Trudy turned and walked back towards the ward Mouch was currently held on.

Cindy walked further into the room and gently patted Matt’s blanket clad leg. “I am so glad you are alright Matt.” She squeezed his ankle with a small smile. “Christopher would have been devastated if he had lost you.” With that, Cindy turned, smiled at Kelly and then left the room.

The two men were left alone again, and looking at Matt, Kelly felt his anger rise up again. He wasn’t proud to be feeling so angry, but despite the relief of everyone getting out of the fire, he was still furious at Matt for taking his mask off and telling him goodbye.

“You okay?” Asked Matt in a murmur.

Kelly shook his head slightly with a bitter smile on his face. “No, I’m not. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so glad you’re okay. But I am also _so_ _angry_ at you.”

Matt lifted his head slightly to look at Kelly with a confused look on his face. “Angry?”

Kelly suddenly rose to his feet causing his chair to skitter backwards and glared down at Matt. “Yes, Matt. Angry. Furious. Mad. Irritated. Fuming. Take your pick!” he pulled his hair with tight fists. “You don’t get to tell me _goodbye_ and expect me to be okay with that! And to top it all off! _You took your goddamn mask off!_ ” Kelly’s voice rose with every word he spat out in his anger.

“Kelly. I’m so sorry. But I honestly though that…that was it. And I couldn’t _not_ say something to you. I wanted you to know how much it meant to me that you found me at the Academy and became my brother,” replied Matt softly.

Kelly’s face crumbled. “You’re my brother, and I’m so proud to have seen you grow from that skittish teenager to the capable firefighter and Lieutenant you are now.” He took a deep breath in an attempt to curtail his anger, but there was still some sharpness in his tone. “And I know you know better. You _never_ take off your mask.”

Matt reached out with one hand and beckoned Kelly closer. Kelly brought the chair closer to the bed and sat down heavily. Suddenly weary of the day’s events.

“I do know better Kelly, you’re right. But…at that moment in time. I honestly thought that I was never going to get out. And I took my mask off in a moment of weakness. I wanted the smoke to make me unconscious. I didn’t want to be awake when the fire came for me.”

Kelly buried his head in his hands, and tried to choke back the sound that escaped his throat. A sound that sounded suspiciously like a sob. While he was angry at Matt for taking off his mask, he now could understand why, as his anger drained away. They saw first-hand what a fire did to victims. Matt saw it happen with his own eyes to Andy. Kelly could fully understand not wanting to be awake and aware of what was happening when the flames came. He just nodded and reached out with one hand to grasp Matt’s arm. He felt Matt grasp his own arm in return. “I’m here Kelly.” And with those words they fell into a comfortable silence.

* * *

The next day Kelly was relieved to have Matt home. Where he could keep a close eye on the danger magnet that was his best friend. Matt had had far too many close calls for comfort. The head injury and this latest event being the worst for Kelly’s state of mind.

They celebrated with a pizza and beer while watching a film. Kelly pulled Matt into his side and slung an arm around Matt’s shoulders. “I’m glad you’re home brother.”

Matt turned to smile at him, “I know you’ve got my back.”

Nodding, Kelly grinned. “Always have. Always will.”


End file.
